Brexit-weariness may be catching, and the prognosis isn’t good

Jane Bates has identified news-related conditions she’d like to add to the medical dictionary

Jane Bates has identified news-related conditions she’d like to add to the medical dictionary

Picture: iStock

You may not be aware, but the result of the June 2016 referendum has not only spawned neologisms like ‘Brexiteer’ and ‘remoaner’ but new ailments as well.

Here is a selection of the latest additions to the 2019 medical dictionary:

  • Brexsick The patient exhibits a rolling of the eyes and manifests an intolerance to politicians. In extreme cases they keep their fingers permanently in their ears. Must be kept away from televisions, radios and newspapers. Aetiology – psychosomatic, brought about by the stress of leaving the European Union (EU). Or not leaving the EU. Who knows?
  • Eurosis A psychological condition where the patient develops significant anxiety about the Sterling/Euro exchange rate when they go on holiday. Will Brexit mean an end to the hen night in Magaluf? These and other questions torture their ravaged psyches. Symptoms exacerbated by the dreary British weather.  
  • Brexicardia An acute disease among health workers whereby the patient’s heart plummets at the mention of Westminster, Brussels or Article 50. Will we have enough medical supplies if we leave the EU? Will all our continental colleagues have to go home? The ECG print-out looks like the Luxembourg skyline.
  • BrEUse A purple contusion brought about by banging one’s head against the wall in frustration every time one hears the news (or nEUse). The patient may wail about desperate NHS crises that are put on the back burner, such as staffing problems and the fractured social care system, because Brexit is hoovering up all the government’s time and energy.
  • Brexton-Hicks contractions Similar to the Braxton-Hicks experienced by expectant mothers, except that these are painful. As in pregnancy, they don’t get you anywhere nearer to delivery. They mostly affect Conservative MPs. Not those in Labour.

If you have any of these conditions, there is no chance of getting well soon, I’m afraid. 

Jane Bates is an ophthalmic nurse in Hampshire

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