Why we all need to get over the fear of talking about death

A reluctance to talk about death – particularly with people with dementia – could end up denying them the chance of ‘a good death’

A woman living with dementia once shared with me that she had tried to discuss her declining health with several health and social care professionals.

The topic of death should not be taboo

She was in her nineties and had multiple long-term conditions and was aware that she was approaching the end of her life. She began these discussions by saying: ‘I won’t be here this time next year,’ which was often met with a response such as: ‘Don’t be silly, you will outlive us all.’ The absurdity made her laugh.

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She was not scared of dying. When her family members died, their bodies were returned home in an open coffin before their funeral to allow friends and family to pay their respects. She felt that today we talk about staying youthful and defying age, and there is a reluctance to speak openly about death and dying. It is as if we are frightened that talking about death makes it real and forces us to face our mortality.

This conversation has stayed with me as I too come from a family where death and dying are not hidden, and mortality is discussed and accepted as a normal part of life. Yet I acknowledge that not everyone is at ease with having such conversations.

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We may be nurses, but we are also human with beliefs that are influenced by cultural and societal norms as well as values. Our own experiences of loss can affect our ability to have difficult conversations with those in our care, both positively and negatively.

People with dementia should not miss out on advance care planning

People living with dementia so often miss the opportunity to discuss their wishes and preferences relating to their end of life care in advance due to myriad factors, which are explored in two Nursing Older People articles, A good death: end of life care for people with advanced dementia and Incorporating advance care planning in dementia care.

• RELATED: Palliative and end of life care for people with advanced dementia

As these articles identify, while we can improve opportunities to consider advance care planning, we must also ensure that nurses feel confident and competent in having such conversations.

Zena Aldridge, consultant editor of Nursing Older People